please dear God, please, BLESS the woman.

dear God,

i saw the woman. i saw her in the supermarket this evening. her stern face was structured by those features of dominance. her body walked in that stance of preparedness to back down any resistance and obstacles in her way. her body was dressed in those prestigious rags; those white-collar job outfits. her sore feet were clad in cruel heels. her hostile eyes shone at me, like a probing policeman's torch, cautiously warning me not to dare defy her hard-earned glory. those eyes, oh God, they told a story. a story of a girl who fought for her fair share of life, of a woman who declared her independence. a story of success. at the expense of life itself. help her to see truth dear God..., to see truth and life...

i heard her. i heard the woman dear God. i heard her sigh every morning as she awoke. i heard her fatigued footsteps as she dragged herself from the bed to the showers, to prepare for another day, a day like any other day. everyday. and everyday she hoped that the next day would be better. and more fulfilling. and everyday she hoped the next day she would take a first step closer to realising a dream or two, of hers. but everyday she had to work. she had to work to survive. no time to live. she had to make money to make some of her dreams come true. she had to sacrifice. she had no time to sit with her friends for long. no time to sit at the feet of Jesus. no time to rest from work. she needed to work from rest. i heard her tired voice. hear her, dear God, do u hear her? i know u do. i know u want her to hear. help her to hear truth dear God, and to hear about the truth about life...

i smelt her fear. she was trenched in the odour of tradition and culture. she was afraid to be beautiful. she was afraid to be educated beyond the level of her less intellectually gifted man. she was afraid to see how her life could be beyond the fearful submmissive slave of a wife she must be. she was a slave to her life. she was afraid to hope. hope was oppressed till it evaded her. she hoped to hope someday, but it just remained that, a hope. i hope she realises who You meant her to be; a woman, a woman shining Your glory. i hope she sees the truth of the matter, that she may live the truth.

i could taste the bitterness in her heart. it came out in everything she did. she was so bitter. she did not really know why. she was bitter that her life was not as meaningful. she had the right job. she partied with her friends all the time. she called out to You when she was hurting. when the panadol-effect of her her soul-searching wore off, she succumbed to the routine of her life. when the comfort of her boyfriend could not fill the void, she committed herself to You in the night, and went on to 'live' her life the next morning. and she did not know why she was not fulfilling her purpose, except that she did not really know it. everyone said she was such an amazing person. she smiled, she laughed, but inside,.. the anger.. she looked for virtues to build her character, but still,.. how bitter she was becoming that it was all not working.. oh God, if only she could taste and see that You are good! if only she could drink from that well, if only she could taste that water that will become a fountain in her, springing up into everlasting life! let her drink that she may never thirst again. remove the taste of bitterness, and give her a taste of life; a taste of life and truth..., may she have it to the fullest!!

dear God,
i feel for the woman. i feel that she does not know what she is missing. i feel sorry that she thinks she is in the right place, yet there is more!! i feel pity that she keeps relapsing into remorse, yet there is a remedy to her life! she does not know that You are her Daddy. she does not know how much You love her. she does not feel proud to be Your daughter. she does not know how to be the princess of Christ the King. i feel so much that i pray for her. i pray that You redeem her. i pray that she accepts You, that she comes to know You, that she will live in You. i pray that she realises the truth, in spirit and in truth. please dear God, please, BLESS the woman.

while in the stomach of the whale...

dear God,

You had to do it the hard way. again.

everytime i think i've surrendered my all to U, something else always comes up.

writing has always been something i considered my own. i mean, of course i know everything i own is Yours, but if there was nothing i could do, at least i could write. i had it all figured out. the things i would write about, the publishers that would print my work, the editors, the writer-development programmes and organisations, after all, You gave me the interest, the resources, the connections, the ability, ... but it's not all about me. i even created my own blogspot, but u kept casting me into these dry spells... everything just didn't seem right. it was hard to write what i wanted to. so now i'm going to take my time. not mine actually, but Yours. maybe if i do things Your way, there will be more meaning. i don't want to be like jonah in the Bible again, and again, and again. i want to develop the habit of hearing from You and receiving direction from You in EVERYTHING. i want to have the habit of being submissive to You, not the habit of being swallowed by the whale every time i don't budge into Your will. i'll admit it's going to be really hard, coz though You are supreme, i still tend to beleive i've got few good ideas myself. i guess that's why it's important to trust. i have to trust that my life, my thoughts, ambitions and plans are actually in Your hands. maybe if i chill out for a while in Your hands, i won't have those dry spells anymore, u know, spending months without blogging and writing in my journal and all. maybe i'll be more spiritually organised. i know i say this every time i want to come out of the whale's belly, but this time it's different. for real. this time, like i said, i'm going to develop a habit of submitting to You, in trust. and with hope,...i hope it works,... and thus with faith, coz faith is the substance of things hoped for. faith is being sure. and i'm sure You're an omniscient, omnipresent God, so i better learn to stop clinging to my self, ryt?

dear God,
i hereby surrender my writing (and blogging) hopes, ambitions, plans and dreams into Your hands. it's safe to get me out of this whale's belly now,... really... no, i'm not trying to bribe you,... of course i know You will always do things in Your time, even things like getting me out of this whale's stomach,...

all 4 Jesus

Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have,
and ever hope to be.
all of my
ambitions, thoughts and plans,
i surrender these
into Your hands

for it's only in
Your Will that i am free
for it's only in
Your Will that i am free

Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have,
and ever hope to be.
all of my
ambitions, thoughts and plans,
i surrender these
into Your hands