COURTING FLAME

this fire in front of me,
is it my friend or my foe?
the flickering flame dances so beautifully;
it's orange glow is attracting me;
i snuggle up close to it out of curiosity.
not too close though, 'coz the Word said it would burn me.
but did the Word know how tempting this fire can be?
did He know that the warmth of the flame is pleasing to me?
and i have found a way to make this fire grow;
you see, when i push my Light under a bushel,
the night comes on,
and this flame in front of me glows more,
and when i get closer,
it tickles my skin and i giggle,
and my lusting flesh gets hungrier the more the flame wiggles.
how close can i get before it burns me?
but then what is a little burn compared to this ecstasy?
perhaps i should bring my light out from under the bushel
and stop this game once and for all,
but this bright warm and beautiful flame keeps courting me...
somebody please pray with me.

for the last five years, i've been struggling to gain weight.

five years ago, i was always marginalised for being too small and skinny. noone ever took me seriously. when i was joining university, everyone thought i was in S.3 or something like that. when i was in a group, people never distributed 'serious' tasks to me because i looked too young, even when i knew i was capable. i was determined to gain a few pounds so that i could look like a real African woman.

after all the fattening diets and prayers, i've finally gained about five kilos and i'm loving my weight, but now, everyone is telling me how guys don't want to marry big ladies. actually, the same guys who thought i looked too young and small to be married to anyone are now telling me i shouldn't gain any more weight and that i should even lose some because 'what will happen when i give birth' and well, it's just generally nicer to have a small woman. when did this happen? i've just spent the last five years trying to conform to one trend only to be blown in the face being told it's now the wrong trend. when did Africans start accepting, appreciating and almost start worshipping small women like us? what happened to things like 'african men like big women'. and even apart from the men factor, the big women who used to look down on me with contempt are now fighting to be my size. is there anything in the Bible about small being better than big, (or big being better than small), or has the media gotten to us?

Ladies, i will paraphrase what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes in a few words; - don't rely on these trends!! they are all nothing! this 'skinny is better' trend will pass away as effectively as the 'bigger is better' trend did, and then you'll all be fighting to be i don't know what next. what matters is that you are able to understand what the Lord requires of you, and that you can then obey Him and live for Him. Love yourself the way you are so that you can be able to love others, and be what God wants you to be despite what the trends demand of you. If God wants you to be bigger or smaller, it can be done, but as long as you are fit and healthy, don't go to extremes to be something you are not! it's so not worth it.

crystallization

the old is distilled off,
the new is formed,
refined by fire,
crystal is reborn.

my God, my God, why have i forsaken You? again?

sorry;- but Obama...!

Oops! On 17th September, I vowed – well, promised that I’d post something here every week. I think I just broke that vow/promise. I’m going to attempt to forge an excuse. And the excuse is;- Obama won! Seriously. It’s two weeks later and Ugandans are still celebrating! Here are some of the victory remarks I’ve been hearing over and over.

• Banange u guys this poverty of Uganda! Let’s pack our things and go to America. Obama has real won and has not yet been assassinated!
  
• Eh! Obama real won! Have they changed the name from whitehouse to blackhouse?
  
• Woo! Obama! No more long lines at the American Embassy – let’s go and tell them that it is now our office and we want our visas!
  
• My boss has not yet paid me. Let me just go to America and live my African dream.
  
• Of course I love Kenyan people! They are my brothers and sisters! Tell those guys my brother is the president and they should give me that visa.
  
• - Crys: “Eh, Solomon, money is scarce in Uganda, why don’t you become our president?”
  - Solomon: “Ha, By the way I would have helped you broke Ugandans and contested to be your president but since Obama is now already there, he can handle things for us.”
  
• 5 years ago, I won an argument with my friends saying America would never have a black president in the next 100 years.
  
• I knew one day America would have a black president, but I didn’t think he would be black, as in African.
  
• I still want Hillary. This is supposed to be the age for women! But any way its ok, casta (as long as) Obama won.
  
• Is it true that Kenya is now an American state?

So the excuse is I’ve spent these weeks laughing my head off and trying to bring people back to reality; haven’t been able to do much else. If u can buy that.

Darn my brother. He abused me. He called me stupid, just because doesn’t want to admit he was the one in the wrong. He’s the one who made the mistake, and just because he’s older, he doesn’t want be found to be imperfect. So now he’s turning it round, telling everyone I’m the stupid one. And just because he’s older, I have to shut up and not answer back and respect him and let him tell everyone how stupid I am. But God, You saw what happened! You know I’m right! You know he’s the one who made the mistake! You know I’m the one who’s right! God You know I’m right! The world knows I’m right! The angry hormones rushing through my blood know I’m right. I just might give him a piece of my mind this time…

Darn that secretary. She undermined me. She refused to give me an appointment because she said I’m underage. I told her my real age and showed her all my qualifications. I was more qualified than the other people. But in one arrogant look at me from head to toe she dismissed me. I am the right person for this job. You know I am God. The world knows I am. My heart, soul and body know I am. The angry hormones racing in my body are going to make me give her an impulsive rude retort…

Darn my uncle. He hurt me. He said I’m too inadequate to be a married woman. He said I’ll never have a happy family because I’m going to do a PHD when I’m not yet married. He said I look old and ugly and no one will want an educated jajja like me. He said by now he would be having 5 more cows but I’m keeping him poor because I spend all my time either at school, work or Church instead of being out there looking for a rich man. But God, I know I know I am not wrong to wait on You. You know I don’t want to do anything out of Your will. I know You know the plans You have for me. I’m right to wait on You. You know I’m right. The world knows I’m right. The bitter hormones racing through my body know I’m right. I always be angry at my uncle and men like him…

Darn myself. How can I be so proud? I look at the Cross again and say darn myself. There I was, guilty of all my sin. And without even asking, You came down and made me worthy to be in Heaven. I was wrong and You made me right. Darn myself. I look at You. The Israelites are blaming You for something You did not do. They were guilty of sin and they said it was You who was wrong. And You forgave them… I will not blame my brother. Even though the world knows I’m right, I will be like You, I am not of the world. I am like You, I will forgive Him.

Darn myself. I see Pilate questioning You and I say darn myself. You are King. God our Father knows You are. The Holy Spirit knows you are. And yet when Pilate asks You if You are, You do not reply. Darn myself. I will not speak rudely to the secretary. I was qualified, the world knows I was. My whole body knows I was. But I am not of the world, I am Yours. I am not subject to my flesh, my spirit is Yours. I will let her be, leave her guilty of missing out on me. I will go where You have prepared others to recognize me.

Darn myself. I see You in the garden of Gethsemane. You ask God to take away the cup of suffering, yet You ask for His will to be done. I will not hurt. I will not marry the wrong man. I don’t want to be alone, burning with passion. I deserve to have my own children. The world knows I do. So do You. But I am not of the world so let Your will be done.

Yay me. My brother said he is sorry and I forgave him. 5 years later, the secretary is calling me. Her company wants to buy me from the one where I am now CEO. I am getting married to the most wonderful man I’ve ever known. Yay me. I see You risen from the grave, shining in the light of Your Glory. You have been raised to Your rightful place and I have raised me there too. I am where You want me to be. Glory Hallelujah.

what if His people prayed

what if the armies of the Lord
picked up and dusted off their swords
vowed to set the captives free
and not let satan have one more

what if the church for Heaven's sake
finally stepped up to the plate
took a stand upon God's promise
and stormed hell's rusty gates

WHAT IF HIS PEOPLE PRAYED
AND THOSE WHO BEAR HIS NAME
WOULD HUMBLY SEEK HIS FACE
AND TURN FROM THEIR OWN WAY

and what would happen if we prayed
for those raised up to lead the way
then maybe kids in school could pray
and unborn children see light of day

what if the light that we pursue
came from a hunger for the truth
what if the family turned to Jesus
stopped asking oprah what to do

WHAT IF HIS PEOPLE PRAYED
AND THOSE WHO BEAR HIS NAME
WOULD HUMBLY SEEK HIS FACE
AND TURN FROM THEIR OWN WAY

HE SAID THAT HE WOULD HEAR
HIS PROMISE HAS BEEN MADE
HE'S ANSWERED LOUD AND CLEAR, YEAH
IFONLY WE COULD PRAY

if my people called by My Name,
if they humbled themselves and prayed;
if my people called by My Name,
if they humbled themselves and prayed;

WHAT IF HIS PEOPLE PRAYED...

sang by casting crowns. i'm not a big fan of rock-style music, but something that encourages people to seek Jesus is certainly good to listen to. i mean, when you think about it, what would happen if we prayed; as in really prayed? '...if My people, who are called by My Name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.' [2 Chronicles 7:14]. did you hear that?!? 'He said that He would hear! His promise has been made! He's answered loud and clear, yeah! If only we could pray.'