You were not the one.
Like a widowed woman who has just lost her loved man,
I ‘reminisce’ about the future we almost had,
wondering why God let us come this far,
if our being together was not His plan.
You could have caught the wind, the way you chased to get me.
I could have held light, the way I tried to hold on to you tightly.
Perhaps we were too hungry to seek God’s blessing,
and rushed to awaken a love that was actually forbidden.
You saw a bit of the jewel in me,
as I polished my sides to be freely seen in my totality.
For a while, we seemed to match. In fact, for a while, we truly did.
But you were not God’s gift to me;
that’s the way it now seems to me.
And I was not God’s gift to you,
or else by now you would know me as well as my best friends do.
Maybe having that close a friendship would confirm what we probably knew;
that I’d never be a part of you.
Everyday I wait for you to sms or call me,
so that we can start a new season.
I ask God that the demon of uncertainty and confusion will leave me,
so that when you ask again, I’ll say yes to you without reason.
But as everyday turns into weeks and months,
I think that a lifetime will far outlive our seasons to come.
We shall find better halves and learn to move on and grow;
It pains to know that with someone else and not me,
you will (still) become whole.
And even if God may try to promise that He has someone better in store,
It still hurts so much, to even think I may have to let you go.
I loved you so, so much, but now you’ll never know.
I hope to God that I am wrong,
though I desire that His will go on.
I pray to God that it is not the end,
that we shall still be in love tomorrow.
Or else I ask that when I get over you, if I am meant to,
God will forgive me for lusting at another woman’s future husband.
I wouldn’t have wasted emotions going round in circles,
if I’d known I’d come back to square one,

where broken hearted, I just have to surrender and wait upon the Lord,

because you my love, were not the one.